the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
