guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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