I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
