i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
