yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
