you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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