I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
