you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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