He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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