i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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