Kiss
Puke
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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