Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
