she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
and you fell through a lawn chair
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
