How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was CRYING into my vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize