I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
