I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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