We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
