hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it because I queefed?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
