i think my mom watched the whole time
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
