eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have feelings that need drinking.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
