i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
