Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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