Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
