just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
