No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
