you guys were way drunker than both of me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
