You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
