I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
