I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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