My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
