I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
