im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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