I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
