he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize