I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
