HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
