Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
