Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just cropdusted the office
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
