so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize