i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize