I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
