Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
