I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize