just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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