if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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