Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it hurts more in the daytime
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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