Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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