He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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