Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
