sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
