Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize