the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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