I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
