I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
