First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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