I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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