We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
