It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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