i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
