how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize