:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
