This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
