my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
