Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
