I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
