i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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