i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
