Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
