I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
