I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
organizing the empties. That sober.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
